Markers from the Trail: A Few Things I Learnt While Writing

I started writing this post on a day where I couldn’t take another second of feeling useless. I was bashing my head against a wall. I just wanted my book to be OUT, HELPING people already. Mercifully, it occurred to me that if I’d made it this far in the writing process, I already had wisdom and experience to offer. Instead of lusting after something I wasn’t sure would ever happen (I had a lot of doubt), I decided to use what I already had.

No matter where you are, there’s always someone coming up behind you who could benefit from knowledge of the terrain you’ve already traversed.

Here are some things that helped me when resistance piled up and the experience was more hellish than healing.

1. Protect your time

Each time I write, I set a timer and stay until it goes off. I put my phone on silent and my mum (who I live with) knows not to interrupt.

Creating can be an intense experience. It’s inspiring, but can also be intellectually, emotionally and spiritually demanding (especially if you’re battling resistance). Even the euphoric moments can sometimes feel just as unsettling as they do liberating.

A time frame helps me feel safe to go deep and explore.

Some days, I spend the whole time wishing the timer would go off. Others, I want it to go on forever. Neither is better.

2. Have a Routine

Six months before Holy F*ck came out, I was diagnosed with OCD (more on this to come). My thoughts were looping almost incessantly, and, if I didn’t catch it, my brain would start performing intricate mental compulsions.

Having a routine helps create a little certainty. I can relax into the consistency, and I have healthy habits that will hopefully add up to positive long-term outcomes.

I have a few non-negotiables that form the basis of my daily schedule. They’re a great way to anchor myself in each day and guarantee I accomplish something and feel a sense of achievement, no matter what happens. Mine are meditation, swimming in the ocean, creating and exercise.

3. Use what you have

Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.

Sick of being kept away from my laptop by self-defeating stories, I started using the blocks and fears that came up in my life as gateways, rather than brick walls. All I’ve got is a sick feeling in my stomach, a block of cement on my chest and my inner critic in my head yelling about how awful I am? Cool, let’s write about that.

Resistance will whisper, “you're not in the right headspace to create. You're too scattered, scared, angry etc.” It’s wrong. Bring it all. I keep a journal tab open while I’m writing to work through what comes up until it leads me straight to where I need to be in my art.

I’m also constantly writing down ideas and notes, which give me a starting point when it’s time to drop in (a really good rebuttal for the “I don’t know where to start” harpies).

4. Build strength

In Latin dancing, your partner is an opposing force that gives you momentum to twirl and spin. Like a sparring partner, use resistance to build strength. If it's knocking you down, stand up. If it's spouting bullshit, speak truth. I’ve changed my perspective on life by challenging the limiting beliefs in my head and tapped into a whole new well of power and confidence by standing up to them when they try and take me out.

Clear as you go. Burning one of my early drafts.

5. Ask for help

It takes time to build resilience. In the interim, you have angelic forces assembled to support and guide you. When the inner critic drowns everything out and you can feel yourself going under, call on heavens help. Don’t be too proud. You’ll never be left wanting.

Our small and mighty writers crew. Warriors, through and through

You can also ask humans. A few of us started a writer’s group in my community, and we’ve been meeting once a week to create and share our work.

If you've lost focus, just sit down and be still. Take the idea and rock it to and fro. Keep some of it and throw some away, and it will renew itself. You need do no more. Clarissa Pinkola Estes

6. Release the tension

I was so anxious publishing Holy F*ck, even when I wasn’t working on it, towards the end, my body was in a state of panic. I spoke to friends, family and my therapist, walked on the beach a lot and created space each day to cry, scream and let go.

Putting vulnerable things out in the world is a big deal. Even if logically, you know you’re safe, your body, mind and Soul are going through a bigger process. Have compassion and come with curiosity to the small parts of you. There’s usually more to the story that shows your response is really sane.

7. It’s the process, and the outcome

As much as you’re creating for the world, and all the people your creation will serve, you’re also doing this for you. The wisdom, insight and knowledge about yourself you’re unlocking (as well as the discipline, courage and skill) will serve you for the rest of your life. Remember this when your compulsion to be seen and validated is sucking all the fun out of the experience.

Whether you’re working on a memoir or a melody, I hope these golden nuggets give you what you need to keep going. I know there’s talk in spiritual circles about how everything should be easy and if it doesn’t feel good, you shouldn’t be doing it. There’s truth in that, but I’ve also found hard work to be deeply rewarding in its own right. If nothing else, you get the satisfaction of putting in effort each day and the confidence and skill that comes from showing up to something consistently.

We’ve got this.

Lots of love,

Jae