Story time
When I was little, I felt like an alien. As I grew, pieces of myself began awakening that felt unwelcome. The more of my Self that came online, the more afraid I grew. I could feel potential within me - a glint of light - but, lacking confidence and not knowing how to bring it out, I ran. I sought comfort, security and validation in men, sex and relationships. At fifteen, I was diagnosed with depression. I struggled with body dysmorphia and disordered eating and couldn’t walk past a mirror without cringing. Despite being the “good girl” at school, at sixteen, a series of naked photos of me got leaked. At seventeen, after Schoolies and stuck in the cycle of DV, I fell pregnant. I graduated high school in a blur of panic attacks and sneaking out. At twenty-one, studying a journalism and political science degree, I woke up with dread in my stomach almost every morning, and slept with a new person every other night.
In 2013, I met a woman in a nightclub who invited me to her church. I went along, reluctantly. The message was about Grace, and how, no matter what you’ve done, Love is still there. Something clicked. I realised I could live a life with love, rather than hustling to get it from outside of me. I realised if I kept going down my current path, all my untapped potential would keep wreaking havoc in my system, and I’d never get to experience what I knew I was capable of. I knew I had something in me worth fighting for. I chose to love the power I felt within me, more than I was afraid of it.
In 2014, I quit my journalism internship and used all the money I had to enroll in an online business course. I gave up sex, partying and drinking in excess (and backslid, a lot). I separated my worth from my achievements and worked with the gift of my sensitivity rather than holding it against myself. I created time and space for God, and I let the things I was running from catch up with me.
I love breaking down systems and structures that no longer serve the world. I’m here for a world where everyone is doing what they love; where people are empowered to discover their innate gifts and abilities and use them in a way that fulfills and energizes them.
When I first started writing online, I couldn’t imagine how I could one day be a beacon of hope or light for others. Life doesn't look like I thought it would a decade ago. LAWDDDDDD knows, I don't have it all figured out. Some days, it feels like I’m feeling for Love like a tiny seed at the core of the earth, others, Who I Really Am is pulsing through me so strongly I think I’ll explode into a million galaxies. This virtual Home has been a long time in the making. It feels good to let it all OUTTTTT. If you haven’t already, check out the blog.
In my experience, well-articulated and thoughtfully collected info and stories that encompass the full range and complexity of the human experience have a way of cutting through the bs and helping us relax. In a world that can often look and feel insane, it’s calming and restores balance. My intention is to publish work that takes longer to create, but is well worth the time, effort and energy. It’s my quiet revolution against the click-bait sensationalism of social media and the current virtual landscape.