Settle in, it’s story time
At fifteen, I was diagnosed with depression. I struggled with body dysmorphia and disordered eating and couldn’t walk past a mirror without cringing. At seventeen, I fell into a toxic relationship and was caught in the cycle of DV for over two years. I got pregnant and eventually, I got out.
I enrolled in a journalism and political science degree, lived on campus and spent two years getting black out drunk and self-medicating with alcohol and one-night stands. At twenty, I was waking up with dread in my stomach almost every morning. I had regular panic attacks and days where I couldn’t get out of bed. I hated the path I was on, but I had no idea how to change direction.
I let my creativity stagnate inside me, and my potential paralyze rather than excite me.
And then in 2013… I decided this wasn’t who I wanted to be anymore.
I knew that if I kept going down this path - if I survived at all - I would never make the impact I was born to make.
That’s when the veil lifted, and my soul remembered, I didn’t fit into the world because I was born to change it. My breakdown was actually an awakening, an invitation to step into the life I was born to live.
I started my blog, wrote an ebook and in 2015, after finishing my degree, I quit my internship at one of Australia’s leading network newsrooms and moved to Sydney to become a Life Coach.
The same fire that used to wreak havoc inside me, now fuels my drive.
When I was little, I felt like there was an imperceptible wall between other kids - other people - and me. I tried to climb over it, but when I did, I was met with sideways glances and awkward silence.
The joy that came easily to others, avoided me like the plague. I saw the dying caterpillar before someone pointed out the butterfly.
I was convinced I was playing catch up; there was a key to living everyone else knew, but I was yet to discover.
I was the quintessential 'good girl' at school. A total teacher’s pet and over-achiever, I lived for praise and recognition. I didn't have lunch time for four years because I was running between SRC meetings, debating club and musical rehearsals.
I could feel potential within me but, lacking the confidence to bring it out, I ran.
The more of my individuality came online, the more afraid I grew. I sought comfort, security and validation in men, sex and relationships.
THE TIMELINE
2010
Fell in love with a boy who promised to love me in spite of everything I’d done.
Put my dreams of moving to Sydney on hold for the promise of a fantasy life.
Got caught in the cycle of DV.
Got pregnant.
Got out.
2011
I lived on campus and spent 2 years getting black out drunk and chasing experiences.
Spent most nights drunk crying in my underwear.
2013
I met a woman in a nightclub who invited me to her church. I went along, reluctantly. The message was about Grace, and how, no matter what you’ve done, Love is still there.
Something clicked.
I realised I could live a life with love, rather than hustling to get it from outside of me.
I suddenly understood if I kept going down my current path, all my untapped potential would keep wreaking havoc in my system, and I’d never get to experience what I knew I was capable of.
I knew I had something in me worth fighting for.
I chose to love the power I felt within me, more than I was afraid of it.
Went to Church and met the girls who would become my soul sisters. For the first time in my life, I was surrounded by people who valued me for who I was rather than what I’d done.
Spent hours in worship, tears streaming down my face.
Gave up sex. Gave up drinking to get drunk. Gave up dating. Not because I felt like I had to, but because they didn’t align with who I wanted to be.
It didn’t feel like a sacrifice, it felt like a relief.
Sitting on my balcony one afternoon, I got a message from my Angels and spent every last cent in my account on a place in Marie Forleo’s B School, an online business program that gave me the inspiration and insight I needed to turn my passion into a career.
Quit my journalism internship and started my website, a horrendous WordPress called ‘The Grateful Goddess’, which quickly became jaeschaefer.com.
2014
I began separating my worth from my achievements and worked with the gift of my sensitivity rather than holding it against myself.
After four years of whining, complaining, stressing and struggling, finished my degree and graduated with a Bachelor of Journalism/Arts majoring in Political Science from the University of Queensland. Graduation ended up being one of the happiest days of my life.
2016
Took up my rightful place on the Northern Beaches of Sydney. Manifested a killer apartment on my own little peninsula.
You are a revolutionary idea.
The greatest investment we can make is in women’s visions. What lives inside us today will be all around us tomorrow.
I love breaking down systems and structures that no longer serve the world.
My vision is a world where young people are empowered to discover their innate talents and abilities and encouraged to use them in the service of others to create a career that fulfills them and their purpose on this earth.
When I first started writing online, I couldn’t imagine how I could one day be a beacon of hope or light for others.
Life doesn't look like I thought it would a decade ago. LAWDDDDDD knows, I don't have it all figured out. Some days, it feels like I’m feeling for Love like a tiny seed at the core of the earth, others, Who I Really Am is pulsing through me so strongly I think I’ll explode into a million galaxies.