Something Out of “Nothing”: The Sweet Potato Story
I was grappling with the stress of having $1.18 in my bank account over the weekend. All my other accounts were at zero, apart from an investment account I can’t touch. I had a restless sleep and noticed my thoughts turn slightly toward the judgmental (trying to shame me into changing my behavior).
Thankfully, I had a little more awareness than when I navigated a similar situation last time.
There was a time in human history where this would’ve been a lot more dire than it is today. I have no doubt at least some of my ancestors would have faced serious food insecurity and the threat of starvation (if not the actual experience). If epigenetics is to be believed, their trauma could be expressing itself through me. Thankfully, the same experience doesn’t have to have the same outcome.
In the past, I would have turned in on myself, used this as proof of my own inadequacy and gone on another tangent trying to make up for something I never needed to make up for. This time, I turned my thoughts towards the infinite. If abundance is truth and there really is always enough, how do I see this differently?
The willingness to open my mind meant I had a bit of a break from the fear and began thinking more creatively. Saturday night, I wanted to be social but worried about the implications of going out without cash. Is it irresponsible? What if someone offers to buy me a drink and I can’t reciprocate? Serendipitously, a friend invited me to a gig with free entry. Score. I took it as a sign and went along.
By Sunday morning, I’d run through most of the food in my house. I finished off my oats and berries, trusting something would come up. Sunday lunch, I found a few coins in my wallet and stopped at a roadside sweet potato stall. I made wedges with some avocado we had leftover, and they were DIVINE. I even had enough cash left to buy myself a protein ball for dessert. For dinner, I toasted some sunflower seeds with brown rice and found an organic vege broth that had only just past its expiration date. It was a beautiful, simple, healthy meal I never would have tried if I had all my usual suspects in the cupboard.
When life triggers our fear, it’s really easy to dive headfirst into a whirlpool of chaos. Thankfully, it’s not the only option. Virtues like abundance, oneness, worthiness and the generosity of unconditional love aren’t invalidated by the trials of life. The truth doesn’t stop being true, no matter how hard things get.
It’s insanely hard to believe in oneness when someone we love is taken, it’s hard to believe in abundance when the fridge is empty, but we can try. Even when I can’t accept the truth in my experience, I consider the possibility it exists. I don’t try and force myself to believe, but I do let the frustration of feeling stuck inspire me to get curious about an alternative. After so many decades (and lifetimes before that) of struggle, I want to be free more than I want to justify the cage.
Monday morning, while journalling, I asked myself the following questions: If there is equal value in all experiences, what is benefiting me about this situation? What am I learning? If this experience was a gift from Unconditional Love, how would I receive it? I’m motivated to keep applying for jobs with a little more stability, I can practice embodying infinite abundance and trusting Life, and it’s a nice break for my body from my morning decaf latte with honey.
Monday night, mum bought food for me. I let the goodness of being supported sink in and went to bed with a full belly and happy heart.
It’s not perfect. Or rather, there are still things about this situation I’m struggling to see the perfection in. I also know it won’t be forever. Thankfully, I have people around me who know I’m on a growth journey (like everyone else) and are willing to be patient with me and I have the wisdom to receive their love and support. (I didn’t always).
Thank you, Life, for all the beautiful people and experiences that are always leading me back to myself. I’m here for it.
All my love,
Jae
