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I need a lot more space and time than most people

And I’m learning to be okay with that.
I remember looking at my mum when I was little, and seeing this woman

who was constantly on the go

serving others – 24/7 – always available, ready to lend a hand…

She never stopped (except for a week or so a year when we’d go away…)

And I felt guilty

For needing more rest than she did

For not being able to GIVE unless I’d had an hour in the morning to myself

For being impatient or flying off-the-rails

And it’s like, I get it now.

I’m high maintenance…
It takes me a while every day to be “okay”

I can’t just “get up and go” into my day

Well, I can.

But it’s not much fun for anyone around me (least of all me)

My morning rituals go for over an hour

Angel cards, prayer, meditation –

Moving my body isn’t a “negotiable” thing if want to be able to operate as a high-functioning human in the world

who holds space for a lot of people

who gives her gifts freely

who shares her heart vulnerably

who makes way for thousands of visions at once to flood through her into the world

being fully-expressed isn’t an option for me anymore – it’s a necessity

Because I don’t have my crutches anymore – drinking, sex, serial dating, drama, bingeing, gossip –

well, most of them.

this is just what it takes for me to be okay;

for the former-addict in me to stay reformed

for the depressive in me to stay EX-pressed

for the anxious, OCD part of me to get excited rather than becoming a nervous wreck…

to keep running towards my problems,

instead of away from them.

I take longer to get ready some days…

if I have to change my outfit or fix my hair before I walk out the door

My head runs at a million miles an hour

I have a million and one projects on the go at any one time

I’m thinking about the state of the entire world before breakfast…

and if I don’t spend a little more time putting my armour on every day,

things go a little haywire

And I’m not resenting myself for that anymore.

The way I operate isn’t wrong.

it’s just different (a lesson I feel like we could all use in all different areas right now)

I’ve learned how to manage my sensitivity

because I know it is my superpower
because I want to bring my best to the world

to take what could be considered a curse, and turn it into a blessing

to take the PRIVILEGE (yes, I consider having the mind I do a privilege) and own the responsibility that comes with it

to find the highest common denominator of my symptoms

to seek the highest outward expression of my truth

to be all that I’m called to be in every moment –

and trust that I am being guided by something much greater than myself, who endowed me with these gifts,

and who wants to see me thrive 💫

so maybe you need more time than most people

maybe you need more rest

maybe it takes you longer

to show up

to be who you are and do what you do

and that’s okay

Because we all just want to bring our best to the world,

and whatever it is that makes you sensitive, also makes you shine 😉

Shine on, beautiful.

All my love,

Jae x